The Man Who Ran Over Himself

When I was about 5 years old, I used to tell a joke.  It was the joke about the man who ran over himself. It went like this : 

Me – “Did you hear about the man who ran over himself?”

Hapless strager – “No, how did that happen.”

Me – “A man asked a little boy to run over to the cigar store across the street to buy him some cigars, but the little boy said ‘No’ so the man ran over himself!”

I thought at the time that it was uproariously funny and I’m sure I must have gotten a chuckle out of the hapless stranger, because I recall this as a pleasant experience.  Now right away you can tell that this joke was from a by-gone era.  No one would consider sending a little boy across a street today to buy cigars.  Besides the obvious danger of sending a child into traffic, there would probably be some sort of legal repercussions for sending a child to buy cigars such as contributing to the delinquency or some abuse derivative.  This joke is obviously outdated so I had to quit telling it a couple of months ago.  But something happened this morning that made me think of it, or at least just how outdated it is.  Since it is technology related, I am the first in my line to whom this has ever happened and perhaps it can be worked into a joke that my grandchildren and perhaps several more generations can tell before it becomes outdated also.  Here are the details.

                Today, I received a phone call on my home phone.  When I picked up and checked the caller ID (I always screen for bill collectors) I was a little puzzled because the call was from me, from my cell phone number to be exact.  Now I was really confused because I had just checked my cell phone and responded to a text message a few seconds earlier so I knew that it was secure in my pocket and no one else could be using it.  My steel trap mind snapped shut on the obvious situation.  Hackers, I thought.  We are always hearing about hackers.  Almost every night on the news a hacker has hacked something and stolen everyone’s personal information.  Someone had hacked my cell account and redirected my connection to another cell phone and was now calling me probably for some kind of ransom to retrieve my identity.  I reluctantly pressed the talk button and said hello.  I had just poured a cup of coffee and moved across the kitchen to place it in the microwave while answering.  It sounded like some pervert on the line, not talking but breathing or blowing heavily into the phone.  Now I was getting angry.  I yelled “Look you a**hole,” but I stopped short when I heard my own words coming from the direction of that part of my anatomy that I had just referenced.  Now my mind was reeling.  I had just finished some research concerning the Creation Story in Genesis so speaking things into being was fresh on my mind.  I remembered how annoying it could be when in my childhood someone, perhaps an older sister, would repeat everything I said.  How annoying would it be to have everything you say repeated by … well, I think you get the picture.

Suddenly it dawned on me to check the cell phone in my pocket and sure enough I found the perpetrator.  Now the situation became clear but I still had to go over it in my head a couple of times to get myself to accept it.  Not some pervert blowing into the mouthpiece to intimidate me, but the phone simply rubbing on the inside of my pocket as I walked.  Not the words of my mouth repeated by another orifice but simply the speaker button clandestinely activated.  But even with a clear understanding of what had happened, I still felt compelled to mumble a quick apology before I hung up but by this time I had taken the cell phone out if my pocket so the echoing of my words was not so disconcerting.  I must have forgotten to lock the touch screen before I put the phone away after sending my message.  My home phone number is on my speed dial list.  It didn’t take long for my steel trap mind to spring around that.  I’ll have to admit at first I was embarrassed.  But the more I thought about it, the funnier it became.  It could become a suitable replacement for the outdated man who ran over himself.  Who won’t like the high tech man who called himself? 

I can almost picture it now.  My (as yet unborn) future grandson approaching a hapless stranger:

Little Andy – “Hey mister, did you hear about the man who called himself?”

Hapless Stranger – “No.  What did he call himself?”

Little Andy – “Oh, I’m not allowed to say that word, mister.”

Hapless Stranger – “Ok, I’m looking for my lost puppy, why don’t you come help me?”

Little Andy – “I’m not allowed to go with strangers either.”

Hapless Stranger – “Well, just come sit in the car with me.  I’ll give you this lollipop.”

Little Andy (running away) – “Mommmmm!”

                On second thought, maybe we just need a new version of the man who ran over himself.

Little Andy  - “Hey, mister, did you hear about the man who ran over himself?”

Hapless Stranger – “No, what happened?”

Little Andy - “He was trying to take the groceries out of his car but instead of opening the trunk he hit the self park button and ran over himself.”

Hapless Stranger – “That’s not funny.”

Little Andy - “Gramma thought so when the firemen were lifting the car off my grampa.”

While it is entirely possible that I will be, and could even be considered probable that I will be, I really do hope that I will not be the inspiration for that joke.

A Garden Story Part 8 of 8

When Eve fainted Adam’s first thought was to get her to the place that they had called home since arriving at the garden.  While it was not exactly a home in the sense of a building, it provided comfort and security much like a nest provided comfort to the little birds that flitted overhead waking them in the morning.  They had a soft bed of sweet grass that they shared, an area that contained some stones that they were able to use as seats while dining, a fresh little stream that passed through a natural basin for washing.  Their bathroom needs were met a short distance away by a natural cleft in the rocks that they could straddle that had an underground stream passing through it.  So while it was not a home by some standards, it provided all the things they needed to partake of a comfortable life.  There was fruit nearby, albeit not always the first choice on their bill of fare, it was always readily available and adequate in taste and quality. 

          He knew if he could just get them there, they could rest and refresh and somehow determine what their next move should be.  He hoped that Eve would be able to walk after a short rest as his back and legs were aching along with his troubled heart.  He sat down beside her but was at a loss for anything to say.  The look on her face told him of the seriousness of her state of mind but he really had no idea what he could say to comfort her.  As he sat there studying her expression she turned to glance at him and as their eyes met she could control her composure no longer.  Her eyes welled with tears and when she tried to speak an apology for them her voice could not be found, only an unintelligible croaking sound uttered as she buried her face in her hands and wailed loud and bitter sobs.  The sadness of her demeanor crept over him and he could not keep his own eyes from oozing likened bitter tears.  He moved closer and put his arms around her and tried to hold her close but the motion of her heaving sobs necessitated a looser hold.  She laid her head on his shoulder and he on hers but could think of no word or movement to comfort her so for a time they both sat weeping in silence. 

          Tears, while of themselves not pure, have the capacity to carry impurities from the body.  Not the physical impurities evacuated by the liver or kidneys but emotional impurities that build in the wake of dire thoughts.  The act of weeping cleared their minds of the bitter residues of remorse and despair and allowed them to emerge from the wreckage of their present situation to a point where they could at least continue toward home.

          Eve was able to walk now and so side by side, hand in hand they set out in silence.  And though the immediate debilitating effects of their morning had passed, the more permanent damage of the broken relationship with the only remaining intelligent being that they knew and loved continued to envelope them in dreariness.  Adam was truly sorry that he disobeyed the old man’s instructions regarding the forbidden trees.  While he certainly did not look forward to their next meeting, he did hope that he could think of some way to apologize and at least clear the air.  He glanced sideways at Eve and noticed that she looked different now somehow.  He had always gotten a certain feeling when he looked at her before, one that he was at a loss now to describe but he knew for sure that it was not there anymore.  It was not just that the leaves were now covering her bosom and genitalia.  He remembered how that had aroused him so by the lake that he was literally paralyzed.  He wondered if he would ever have another experience like that. 

          He could not actually pinpoint what was different now but he knew that eating the forbidden fruit had changed him.  Many of the things that he saw now on the way home seemed different to him as he viewed them from his new perspective.  It was like the awe and wonder that he used to feel about even simple things - the miracle of the tadpoles and how their tails fell off and they gained legs as they matured into frogs, or the great horned green worm emerging from his cocoon as a colorful monarch butterfly - that magic was gone, replaced by an understanding of natural metamorphosis that would probably serve him well as he struggled to eke a living from the soil while robbing him of his former child-like appreciation for the joy around him.  He thought that wisdom was not necessarily a good thing and would have given anything to return to the way things were yesterday, not only with Eve but with the old man as well.

          The old man was heartbroken.  He was devastated by the action that he had had to take.  Infuriated with himself for turning his back on that serpent for even one second.  “Damn him,” he thought.  “We go back far enough that I knew what he was capable of but I hoped that Adam might be strong enough to overcome him.  I thought not knowing good and evil would protect them from his guiles since he really had no way to tempt them.  But now, now that they have eaten of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, they can certainly not be trusted again.  Surely their new found wisdom will compel them to eat of the Tree of Life and if they become exactly like us, who knows the destruction they could wreak, especially now that they are vulnerable to the serpent’s influence.  I’m sure he is defeated for now, but I know his deceitful ways will soon bring him into full recovery so there is no choice but to separate the man from the Tree of Life.  He must be banished from the garden.”  With that decision, the old man felt compelled to sit down and weep his own bitter tears.

           They were relieved to be back to their familiar surroundings as they collapsed into their comfortable bed.  They fell asleep immediately.  She curled into a fetal position with her back to him and he draped himself around her like a comfortable wrap as they journeyed into rejuvenating slumber.  They had only slept a short time when they were awakened by the old man’s voice.  Adam would have preferred to sleep much longer as he felt very groggy and tired when he woke up.  But he knew that was not an option so he dragged himself from his bed and adjusted his fig leaf apron to cover himself adequately as he went forth to greet the old man.  Eve was beside him and he was aware of her struggling with her coverings as well. 

          The nap had lifted them from the point of utter exhaustion that normally follows an adrenaline filled emotional experience.  It left Adam in a compliant state willing to do anything to try to gain back the old man’s favor.  He had tried to consider his options on the walk back and had come up with a plan that involved him and Eve moving to a place in the garden farther away from the forbidden trees.  He would clear away the grass and bushes and carry seeds and plants from other parts of the garden and plant them there so that they would never have to go near the forbidden trees again.  He was hoping that would appease the old man and they could try to return to their normal unstrained relationship.

          When they were all together, the old man showed them some clothes that he had made for them.  They were made from animal skins and so were much more durable than the fig leaves they were wearing that were starting to dry and crumble around the edges.  When they put them on, they found that the new clothes covered their whole bodies and not just their genitalia.  The clothes protected them from the brush and thorns that they noticed were scratching them as they moved along the pathways earlier on the way home.  Adam had not noticed that happening before and thought perhaps it was another peril of their new found wisdom.  The old man explained the dilemma that he was in regarding letting them stay in the garden.  He told them that they would be leaving soon, even before night fall, and that they would have to make their way in the world that waited outside of the garden.

          He told them that he still loved them and would protect them in the world and that they could meet with him when they wanted to talk although once they left the garden they would not be able to see him in his current form.  He blessed them and gave them some special traits of which they were not yet aware.  They would become the indomitable human spirit which would enable them to overcome adversity through perseverance and faith.  As they walked forth from the garden into the world, they were overwhelmed by a feeling of loss of a simple, happy way of life.  The thought of turning back crept into their minds briefly but when they saw a giant tongue of flame descend over the path that they had just trod they understood once and for all that this period of their lives had come to an end.  And so like children reluctant to leave the security of the only home they had ever known, yet driven to explore and build something they could call their own, they turned their eyes eagerly toward the wonders and hardships that awaited them just over the horizon and neither looked back again.

The End

A Garden Story Part 7 of 8

          Adam knew they could not hide from the old man forever and thought it would probably be best to get this situation resolved.  Reluctantly he stood and left his hiding place and approached the old man by the forbidden tree.  He didn’t have to turn around to be aware that Eve was following him.  Adam said, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid.”

          “Who told you that you were naked?  Have you eaten from the tree that I told you not to eat from?”

          Adam knew he would have to fess up, but he did not want to take all the responsibility for his action so he attempted to direct it back to the old man.  “The woman that you put here with me gave me some fruit from the tree and I ate it!”  Eve was approaching from the side.  She had moved around to the flank as Adam approached the old man so that she could see them both clearly.  She wanted to be ready to flee if necessary.  Slick had moved closer to her so they stood apart from both Adam and the old man.

          The old man whirled toward Eve.  “What is this that you have done?” he bellowed. 

          She stepped back in panic and stammered, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate it.”

          The old man centered his glare on Slick.  “Because you have done this, cursed are you above all the animals.  You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life.”  Slick suddenly felt the feeling draining from his arms and legs.  His beautiful colors began to fade as scales formed all over his body.  As the numbness overtook his limbs, he could no longer stand and fell into a heap on the ground.  The ground around him became a fine dust like talcum powder.  Every time he tried to take a breath the powder would fill his mouth and nostrils.  The dust covered his eyes and he had to shut them tight but the dirt that was in them caused nearly unbearable pain.  With his limbs numb and eyes welded shut with dirt, he could not be sure but it felt like his arms and legs had shriveled and disappeared.  He knew he had to get out of there but the only way he could move was to wriggle from side to side and try to push along the ground. 

          The old man continued.  “I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers.  They will strike your head and you will strike their heels.”  In his agony Slick knew he must get to the water to wash his tortured eyes.  He tried to get his bearings and headed as best he remembered toward the water.  But the woman was in the way. 

“Damn you, move!” he shouted.  He was not even aware that his voice had become an inaudible hiss.  In his desperation to get to the water he had to resort to the only way he had to get her to move.  He reared his head back and in his blind rage began biting at her foot screaming “Move damn it, move!”

          Somehow in the confusion Adam sensed that Eve was in danger.  He sprang to her side like a cat reaching her just in time to pull her out of range of the striking snake.  When she moved, the snake shot desperately toward the pond leaving a totally dismayed Eve watching him depart with her hand over her mouth.  She had no time to grieve nor even comprehend what had happened to her handsome friend.  The old man whirled toward her and both she and Adam blanched in fear.  “You,” he said, his voice softening slightly but still quite stern, “I will increase your pains in childbearing.  You will give birth to children with great pain.  Your desire will still be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”  Adam was relieved to hear that.  After seeing what had happened to the serpent, he was fearful of what Eve’s punishment would be.  But this, pain in child bearing, was trivial to him.  Not that he wasn’t concerned that Eve would have to bear pain, but compared to being covered with scales and having your arms and legs wither away, this was nothing.  He had fully expected to be required to participate in the punishment but now it looked as though he would come out of this unscathed.  He was about to congratulate himself when the old man continued, “Adam, because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you.”

          Adam’s heart sank as remorse and the bitterness of sorrow welled up within him like one of the steaming geysers he had seen on the other side of the garden.  It burned in his stomach like acid making it hard to pull in his breath.  The vision of Slick trying to breathe with the dust filling his mouth and choking him flashed across his mind like a hideous video scene.  The words because you listened to your wife and cursed is the ground continued to resonate over and over.  He resolved never to listen to Eve again.  Oh, yes, she was pretty alright, and the gifts she possessed, well, what man would not want to stay in her favor to enjoy those, but now that he understood he would be held responsible for participating in her schemes and treacheries, he vowed to himself to always follow his own heart in matters of judgment.  I would have never eaten this stupid fruit no matter how hungry I was, he thought.  I should not have let her talk me into it.  How would I have known that the old man was going to show up just then?

          His silent recrimination was cut short as the old man continued, “Only through painful toil will you eat of it all the days of your life.”  Painful toil lingered in Adam’s mind.  Why must I suffer pain when it was clearly Eve’s fault, he pondered?  The old man wasn’t finished, “It will produce thorns and thistles for you and you will eat the plants of the field.  By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.”  Adam steeled himself for the ordeal that he was sure was about to take place.  To dust you will return re-conjured the vision of Slick writhing in misery and Adam thought that perhaps he could feel his own legs starting to get numb.  He looked at Eve and closed his eyes to fix that last image of her in his mind, fighting the urge to cry out to her in his impending agony.  He waited for a few moments that seemed like a whole lifetime but nothing happened.  He cautiously reopened his eyes but the old man had departed.  He and Eve were alone and the look on her face told him immediately that she was in trouble.  He lunged forward to catch her as her body crumpled to the ground in a full faint.

          When she was once again aware of her surroundings, she was aware of motion.  With her eyes still closed, it seemed to her that she was floating. She opened her eyes and was relieved to notice Adam’s determined face only inches away from her own, not looking at her but beyond her to the path ahead.  She was cradled in his arms as he carried her away from that horrible site.  As the memory of Slick’s agonized dash to the water flashed through her mind, she wondered how a place of such beauty could have been the setting of such horrible events.  Not wanting to interact with anyone right now, she tried to remain relaxed but he sensed her return to consciousness and found a suitably comfortable spot to gently lower her to the ground.  He was relieved that she had awoken but the expression that lay upon her face like a grotesque mask told him that she was far from normal.  The lingering visions of her beautiful friend suddenly turning drab and ugly and ultimately transforming into a hideous snake, the thought of the old man’s disfavor, not to mention threats of pain, the adrenaline let-down after the extreme fear caused by expectations of impending violence, all combined into a mantle of despair that lay upon her like the coating of dust from Slick’s ordeal.

          Adam totally understood her plight and shared it for the most part.  While he was not suffering the loss of someone he cared a good deal

about, he could surely sympathize with Slick’s fate, especially at that moment when he was convinced that he was about to share it.  The old man’s disfavor weighed equally heavy on his mind.  He had not yet had an opportunity to analyze the effects of the curse that had been put upon him, but he knew that it implied certain and long lived misery and that translated into dread for now.  All of those burdens, plus the anxiety of wondering what would happen next and what they should be doing now was exacting a heavy toll from both of them.

To Be Continued…

A Garden Story Part 6 of 8

Eve caught her breath at the beauty of the place as they approached the area of the forbidden trees.  Her tears had proven therapeutic in that they cleared away some of the tension and anxiety that Adam’s absence had caused.  She remained a little upset with him but still would have preferred him to the present company.  But she did have to admit that Slick had been a real comfort to her.  He was quite charming with his sharp wit and quite funny as well.  After she regained her composure and they were able to travel in a normal manner he had kept her in stitches with his antics.  She would not have been able to find this place on her own although she suspected he might have taken a roundabout way to get here presumably to spend more time with her.  She chose to regard that as a compliment and while she regarded him as a dear friend, she sensed that he would like to take their relationship to a more intimate level but hoped intensely that he would not indicate so.

          The old man had a nagging feeling that something was amiss but was having trouble putting his finger on it.  He had been concerned about his children since he had been forced to tell them how things had come about.  He was sure that they had not understood everything he had explained but he was also sure that if they took the time and approached it together they would come to a reasonable understanding that would make their lives more comfortable.  He did not want them to live in fear, either of the world around them or of him.  But right now, something was not right.  He thought perhaps the memories that he had unveiled for them during the night might have been more than they could bear.  He had hoped that the memories would serve them and allow them to be more like their natural born children would be, but perhaps the whole idea of birth and death was too much for them to handle right now.  If that were the case, he certainly did not know how he would be able to rectify it but he knew that he must go to them and offer them comfort if necessary.

          As Eve and Slick settled back in the shade of the forbidden tree to relax for a while and rest up from their long hike, the first signals of hunger began to stir.  She had only eaten a small breakfast and the stress of the morning and the walk had consumed much energy.  She looked around for something to eat but the only food in sight was the fruit on the forbidden tree.  It was the most beautiful fruit Eve had ever seen and the aroma of the blossoms permeated everything with the most delicious scent she had ever encountered.  “I’m so hungry,” she said to Slick.  “I think we should go into the forest and find something to eat then come back later.”

          Slick looked at her incredibly.  “We are sitting under a tree that bears the most delicious fruit in the garden and you want to go somewhere else to eat?” he asked.

          “We can’t eat the fruit from this tree,” she replied.  “Adam said if we eat the fruit from this tree we will surely die!  Oh, Slick, I’m so hungry but I don’t want to die!”

          “You won’t die if you eat this fruit.  I eat it all the time and do I look dead to you?” he mocked.

          “But the old man told Adam that if we eat it we will die!”

          “Well, you will not surely die.  The old man knows that when you eat it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like him knowing good and evil,” he said as he stood to reach for a particularly perfect fruit.  He took a large bite and began chewing it slowly.  He pushed the fruit toward Eve, “Here, eat some!  It is delicious.”

          Eve looked at him in disbelief then at the fruit that was so close that she could smell how good it must taste.  “Knowing good and evil,” she said.  “Is this a desirable thing?”

          “It is what makes the old man seem so smart and powerful.  It is what allows me to live free in the garden and not have to answer to anyone.  Don’t you want to be like the old man?  To do whatever you want whenever you want?  Here, take a bite!”

          She could resist no longer.  Taking the fruit in her slender hand she took a bite and began to chew.  It was even more delicious than she had anticipated.  The more she chewed, the sweeter it tasted.  Finally she swallowed still not sure what to expect.  As the delicious morsel slid down her throat she suddenly became aware of Slick’s hungry eyes leering at her in a way that she had not noticed before.  She looked down at her naked breasts and suddenly she felt self-conscious about them being exposed to his glare.  She noticed his eyes drop to the soft tuft between her thighs and her reaction was to cover herself with her hands.  She quickly reached up and pinched off some leaves from the forbidden tree and held them in front of her covering her nakedness as well as she could.  

          As Adam reached the clearing, he spotted Eve and Slick under the forbidden tree.  He saw that she was fidgeting with some leaves in front of her and that Slick was laughing uproariously pulling at them as though trying to take them from her.  As he drew nearer they spotted him and Eve called out to him.  Slick immediately turned and withdrew to the edge of the pond and pretended to be admiring the water lilies there.  Adam approached cautiously.  He expected Eve to be angry and he thought the best thing he could do was to start apologizing and not stop until she was ready to take him in her arms and forgive him.  He opened his mount to speak his apology but noticed that a half-eaten fruit lay at her feet.  “Have you eaten the forbidden fruit?” he gasped in horror.  “Oh, Eve, are you dying?”

          “Yes, I ate some of the fruit.  It is delicious, and no, I’m not dying.  I’m fine,” she said.  There was no hint of anger in her voice.

          “But the old man said we would die if we ate it,” he said.

          “But Slick told me that was because he did not want us to eat it.  When we eat it our eyes are opened and we become like the old man.  Look,” she said.  “I’m not dead.  I have gained wisdom Adam.  I feel wonderful.  Here try this.  Please, Adam, eat this and see what it will do for you.  It tastes wonderful and it will give you wisdom.  Please try it,” she implored, holding the fruit out to him.

          Adam’s heart was pounding.  He wanted to please Eve more than anything in the world, but he did not know if there would by a consequence for disobeying the old man, or if there was, what form it would take.  He felt like his options were limited.  He reached out and took the fruit and took a huge bite which he quickly chewed and swallowed.  She was right.  It was truly the best tasting food he had ever eaten.  His head seemed to clear.  Since last night, he had felt like he was walking in a haze of confusion.  But now he seemed able to see through that haze.  His new found memories were no longer just a blur in his mind.  He was able to look at things clearly and judge the goodness or lack of it in them. 

          As he turned and saw Slick by the pond looking back at him and saw that Eve had tried to cover herself with leaves he suddenly felt exposed and ashamed.  He turned and headed for the nearest clump of bushes that he saw.  Beyond them in a small clearing was a fig tree.  Its huge leaves will cover me, he thought as he gathered several.  Nearby was some tall grass and he quickly broke off several long stems and twisted them into a make shift belt.  Eve was at the fig tree now gathering her own leaves so he broke off some more stems of grass for her to use.  As he finished fashioning a belt and necklace to hold her leaves, he thought he heard the old man coming.

          “Shhh,” he shushed Eve.  “We must hide from the old man,” he whispered.  They ducked down in the tall grass and remained very still.

          When the old man saw the serpent and the partially eaten fruit under the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, he knew things were dire.   There was no sign of Adam and Eve except the partially eaten fruit so he knew they must be hiding.  He called, “Adam, where are you?”

To Be Continued…

A Garden Story Part 5 of 8

The moon was bright and easily lit the path along the lake.  He recalled a spot along the bank that he had found earlier while looking for a particular kind of berry that he liked.  It would be a good spot to sit and muse over his new found memories while enjoying a late night snack.   When he arrived he gathered a large handful of the delicious fruit and sat down leaning against a large tree to enjoy it.  He could hear the splash of fish as they broke the surface in pursuit of flying insects then fell back to the water clutching their prize.  The moonlight was bright enough that he could see the white flash of their bellies as they slapped the surface with their tails to gain that extra couple of inches of height that could mean the difference between eating or going hungry.  He thought about his new found memories as he squeezed the savory fruit one by one against the back of his teeth with his tongue releasing a flood of delicious juice that he swallowed before chewing the pulp.  When he had finished all that was in his hand, his first thought was to get up and get some more but he was so comfortable and so relaxed in his thought that he dozed off into a deep trance like sleep even though he had not felt like sleeping when he left his bed.

The noise of the birds waking and the commotion that accompanies the passage of dawn into full day light woke Eve.  The familiar sounds of the birds along with the awareness that she had actually dreamt of her parents comforted her as she lazed with her eyes closed for a few moments allowing herself to awaken slowly and relish the morning.  She remembered then that she and Adam were supposed to go to that special place in the garden that Adam had seen yesterday with the old man.  She was looking forward to the journey as she never tired of exploring her beautiful environment, and she especially looked forward to sharing the new adventure with the man that she loved.  She opened her eyes fully expecting to see him either lying beside her or standing over her with his big hands full of whatever delicious morsels he had gathered for their breakfast.  Much to her disappointment, he was not to be seen.  He must be gathering our breakfast, she thought as she began her morning toilette.  He had still not returned when she finished which alarmed and slightly annoyed her.  She was accustomed to him being there when she awoke so his absence raised some concern.  She called his name loudly but he did not respond.  Now she began to worry.  She settled for the fruit that was available at hand for her breakfast and was formulating a plan to search for him when Slick came by. 

“Good morning, pretty lady,” he said cheerily.  “Did you sleep well?”

“Hello, Slick,” she said.  “I’ve been wondering where you were,” she added, ignoring his question.  “You left so suddenly yesterday I didn’t get the chance to introduce you to Adam.  Are you all right?”

“I could meet him now,” he replied, ignoring her question.

“Oh, Slick,” her eyes darted past him searching the shoreline.  “He’s not here now.  I don’t know where he is and I’m worried.  He has never gone off like this before.”

“Perhaps he has gone off with the old man again,” he exclaimed, moving closer as he sensed her vulnerability.  “Probably nothing to worry about,” he added reaching for her hand.

She yielded her hand to his, taking notice of the smoothness of his skin, and took comfort in knowing that someone else was close and sympathetic.  “We were supposed to go see the forbidden trees today.  Adam told me about them and the beautiful place where they are and I was looking forward to seeing it.  But now, I don’t know what to do,” she said weakly, her eyes tearing up.

“It’s all right,” Slick said comfortingly as he tried to maneuver himself into a position to embrace her.  She stepped back turning to survey the landscape looking for any sign of Adam’s approach, not really noticing the serpent’s subtle movements.  “I can show you the forbidden trees,” he continued.  “I have been there many times.”

“But I can’t leave without Adam,” she retorted.  “What if he comes back and I’m not here.  How will he know where I am?’’

“I’ll draw a large arrow in the dirt here that will point the direction that we have gone,” he said pointing toward the path.  “He will know from the direction where we have gone and will come join us there.”

Since she had no better plan of her own, and she really did want to see the forbidden trees, this sounded reasonable so she consented.  After another round of calling in several directions and receiving no response they were ready to set off.  She vacillated between peevishness and concern.  On one hand Adam had no right to leave her like that while she was asleep.  If he had to leave he should have woke her up to tell her where he was going and when to expect him back.  On the other hand he was gone and she could not think of what could be so important to him that it would take precedence over their trip to the forbidden trees, a trip that he knew she was anticipating with great excitement.  So she was concerned that his absence might not be voluntary.  “I wonder what could be more important to him than going to the forbidden trees with me?” she ventured.

Slick sensed the peevishness in her voice and thought for a moment to formulate an answer that would be sure to increase her dissatisfaction with Adam.  “You know, that’s a good question,” he said.  “I can’t answer for Adam, but for me I would answer absolutely nothing.  Walking with you would always be top priority with me.  But there must be something that has Adam’s attention,” he added trying to encourage her ire without seeming to.

“Oh, Slick, do you think so?” she asked.  It was more of an acceptance than a question and was followed closely with a weak moan of despair as she turned toward him and began sobbing.  He put his arms around her comfortingly, congratulating himself on this brilliant maneuver.  By the end of the day, Adam would be out of the picture, and beautiful Eve would be his.  They began walking again, more slowly now, and his arm remained around her and hers around him.

Adam awakened with a start.  The sun which was usually still behind trees when he awoke was high above the tops of the tall trees on the opposite side of the lake.  The direct rays coupled with the reflection off the water, flooded his eyes with light and partially blinded him.  Confused at first, he wondered where he was but almost instantly recalled the events of the night.  Panic set upon him as he remembered that he and Eve were going to leave early this morning to go to the forbidden trees.  He knew she would be awake by now and probably be scared or angry to find that he was not there.  He rebuked himself sternly as he started for home at a fast trot. 

Getting there seemed to take forever .  He did not realize that he had wandered so far last night.  He looked around quickly, but Eve was nowhere in sight.  He called to her and received no reply.  Where can she be, he wondered, this time surveying the area carefully for any clue or sign that might indicate her whereabouts.  Surely she would not have gone to find the forbidden trees by herself, he thought.  His eyes fell upon something strange, something he had not seen before.  A short stick was sticking up from the ground.  She must have put it there, he thought as he hurried over to examine it more closely.  The stick had been stuck into the ground in the middle of an arrow pointing toward the forbidden trees.  It appeared as though she had indeed set off on the journey by herself.  I’ll bet she is really angry, he thought.  He figured she had every right to be angry with him after the stupid thing he had done going off like that in the middle of the night and then falling asleep somewhere else.  All he could do was hope that she would forgive him and not stay angry at him for too long.  He didn’t know if he could stand for her to be mad at him for very long.  The very thought of it filled him with remorse and he knew as he set off down the path that he must find her as soon as possible and try to regain her favor.

To Be Continued…

A Garden Story Part 4 of 8

“Adam!  Eve!” the old man called softly.

“Here we are, father!” she blurted. 

“Father?” Adam thought.  Where did that come from?  He realized that he had never thought of the old man in that way, only as a friend.  But the term father, in that it meant provider and protector, could be deemed appropriate for their relationship although Adam preferred friend and decided that he would probably never call the old man father.  The old man, however, was surprised and pleased by her use of that epithet.  The woman, he thought, was really one of my better ideas.  She is not only pleasing to the man but to me as well.  Her sweetness and trusting nature will allow her to serve the man well, endearing her to him and thereby insuring that she will always be in a position to influence him, to temper his impulsiveness with wisdom and compassion.  Yes, she is good for the man.  And the man is good for her as well.  Together they are better than either would be alone.  “Come, children, let’s talk together,” he said as he made himself comfortable on a natural outcropping of rock that had been shaped almost like a huge stone chair with a rounded out seat and back that made it quite comfortable to sit for those who fit it, despite its unyielding composition.  The old man fit in it perfectly. 

“There you go,” Adam thought as he and Eve took their seats near the foot of the old man’s chair.  “Children,” he echoed in his mind with disdain.  You call someone father and right away you become a child, a child that needs lecturing and direction.  Already today he had laid down the law about the special trees.  Now we will probably get more of the same, do this, don’t do that.  What will be next?  I wish Eve had not called him father.

            His fretting was for naught, however, as the old man began by asking them about their day.  Since they had spent most of it together doing things that Adam thought did not concern anyone but Eve and himself, he was reluctant to talk about it.  But Eve surprised him by embarking on a play by play retelling of all the events of the day.  Shyly at first, but as she got further into the story describing her own desires and feelings, she began to gain confidence.  Her story became both intriguing and arousing to Adam as she unabashedly shared all of the thoughts and emotions that had driven her to the peak of affection for her mate.  He carefully watched the old man’s face for signs of disdain or disapproval but was unable to detect any.  Instead the old man listened with interest, commenting or encouraging her to continue with a nod or a smile, absorbing all of it but not judging any of it.  Adam was not embarrassed by her words although he still believed that what they shared together was no one else’s business.  But he was glad for the telling because it cleared the air of any secrets and gave him the confidence of knowing that she shared his feelings of affection.  The old man seemed pleased with the conversation so far so Adam deemed the time was right to ask the questions that were on his mind. 

            “Where do you go when we are apart?” he asked.  “Do you leave the garden?  Is there another place?”

            The old man was taken aback by the question.  The man never ceases to surprise me, he thought.  Where does he get this curiosity?  “Yes, Adam, there is another place,” the old man replied honestly.  He got up and stepped to the bank of the small pond, or more accurately water garden, nearby and scooped up a hand full of mud.  Rolling it gently into a sphere he said, “The world is like this, only much bigger.  The garden is only a small part of it.  But outside the garden, the world is very different.  The animals fight and kill one another for food.  The trees with fruit are far apart and there are many trees that bear no fruit that people can eat.”  The word people piqued Adam’s curiosity.

            “People?  Are there others like us?”

            “There are others, but they are not like you.  They do not have a beautiful garden to live in with plenty of food to eat.  They must work to grow food or search for it and gather it.  They also kill animals to eat.  Sometimes when there are many in one place, they fight and even kill each other to see who will be the leader.  They are not like you and Eve.”

            “Will they come to the garden and kill us and take our food?” he asked, the anxiety that he was feeling becoming audible in his voice.

            “No, they cannot come here.  I will not let them come here and harm you,” the old man said reassuringly.

            “But how can you stop them?  You are just one old man.  What if there are many?”

            With that, the old man realized that he must reveal his true nature to them.  He had enjoyed the role of friend so much that he wanted to continue in this simple and innocent form, but he knew, by the nature and curiosity that had been given to the man that it simply could not go on like this.  So, in the most straight-forward manner, yet trying not to frighten, he began to explain everything to them.  They tried to grasp what they could.  Adam finally knew why his ribs had hurt so much earlier.  He was surprised to know that like the sphere the old man held in his hand, he too was formed of mud then transformed in some way that he could never hope to comprehend.  He understood why he could not remember anything before yesterday.  He struggled with the part of being created in the old man’s image, with being created at all for that matter. The old man tried to explain it.

“I have created you because I have the ability to create life.  I have created you in my image by giving you the ability to also create life.  But neither of you can do it alone.  When you lie together and become one as Eve explained earlier, a part of the man and a part of the woman join and the joining becomes another person, created in your image.  You must nourish that person, as I nourish you, providing food and protection for your child until he can exist on his own.”

Adam pondered these words a few moments then blurted, “But how can we know how to do that if we were never children ourselves?”

The old man sighed.  To himself he thought they have been given much intellect and reason, maybe too much.  He knew that too much knowledge could sometimes be a dangerous thing and wondered if some the measures he had gone through to protect them from it would be enough.  Finally, the solution came to him.  Memories, he exclaimed to himself.  I will give them memories of a history that will provide them with the skills they need to raise children and to fill the void that haunts them of not having a past to recall.  Then to them he said, “Now, it is getting late and I am getting very tired.  We have discussed some very important things that are hard to understand.  As you think about them you will gain more understanding and if you have more questions, we will talk again tomorrow.” 

Adam’s head was reeling.  He was determined to grasp these things and find some peace in his now chaotic mind and so he was glad that the old man had called an end to the discussion for the night.  He knew instinctively that quiet contemplation would allow him to order his anarchic thoughts into the knowledge and attitude that he needed to continue but right now the thoughts of children, others, creation, time in terms of past and future were all spinning out of control in his head.  As the old man departed, Eve gently slipped her arm around his waist and laid her face on his chest in a quiet embrace.  He gathered her into his arms not to reassure her with his strength but to draw from her strength to replenish him in this weakness of confusion.  As they held on desperately to one another he took strength from the knowledge that she truly cared for him and that whatever they had to face, they would face together.  The comfort of that thought allowed the chaos in his head to become order again as his fears began to dissipate one by one.  He realized that she was the calming balm that could soothe his blistered mind.  They lay down together and she snuggled against him.  He felt a sense of relief and security as he drifted into a deep, much needed sleep. 

            Sleep came quickly to him, but not the sleep that he was used to.  Tonight his sleep, while sound and beneficial was punctuated with graphic scenes from a childhood that never was yet was being revealed to him, not externally through the senses like the wonders of discovery were revealed in the garden, but recalled from a reality that existed deep within him.  He saw family members, a father, a mother, siblings and cousins and even others that he did not know.  The images ran together randomly but each carried a flag of recognition and was woven with his subconscious thoughts changing from single threads of cognizance into that fabric of conscious memory that he would be able to call upon when, in waking moments,  he was required to make a knowledge based judgment.  These dreams poured over him like a refreshing flood filling the vacuum that existed where memories would normally lie thereby adding a normalcy to his psyche that had formerly been a troubling void in the recall process.  Although in the subconscious or perhaps super-conscious state of REM sleep, that part of him that was in charge reveled in this new acquisition of knowledge, interpreting it as a good thing and filling him with peace and tranquility.  The euphoria of it stirred him awake.  He lay there fully awake recalling the blur of activity which had filled his sleeping mind.  Most of it was lost to him now except for a few images that remained vivid and yet while trying to recall the lost images he was actually recalling events from his childhood.  He was remembering and that fascinated and excited him to the point that he knew that going back to sleep would be impossible even though it would be several more hours until his normal wake up time.  He listened to Eve’s rhythmic but steady breathing and wondered if she too was experiencing the phenomenon of dreaming.  He did not wish to disturb her sleep so he got up slowly and quietly moved away from where she was sleeping. 

To be Continued…

A Garden Story: Part 3 of 8

For all of his anticipation of this moment, the truth was that he really did not know how Eve felt, or what she was thinking.  She had come to his arms and kissed him on his return from the walk with the old man so she must have feelings for him.  He had sensed that she had been enthusiastic about their love making.   A willing participant taking pleasure as well as giving, not like some of the cats or birds that he had observed for which a sexual encounter was more like combat than an act of pleasure.  He had hoped that she would be as anxious as he was for another session and was confident that she would be but then this stupid serpent came along.  And that was just the problem.  He was not stupid at all but was both articulate and handsome, facts that Eve had mentioned several times as they foraged for berries then languished in the cool lake to soak the berry stains from their lips and fingers.  Now they were in the shade of a great oak in an exceptionally soft bed of smooth dried grass but still, the serpent was a problem.  She had given no indication that she regarded the serpent, what was his name again, oh yes, Slick, in any way that would lead to anything beyond friendship, but one could never be sure.  She had received her new name with great joy and seemed to be quite pleased with it.  She repeated it over and over and at one point yelled in a loud voice, “I am Eve.  I am the mate of Adam.”  Surely the stupid serpent must have heard that, so why did he still have doubts?  It was at that moment that she rolled on top of him and cupped his face in her hands.  She began kissing him relentlessly and whispered, “I have been waiting for this for a long time and I don’t want to wait any longer.”  Once again the attraction of her and the joy of being close to her pushed all other thoughts from his head.  Once again he was consumed with desire and his whole being was focused on the fulfillment of that desire.  The old man, the serpent, the special trees, even the garden itself, disappeared into the essence of her and he was swept away as well.

She had given everything for his pleasure, everything he anticipated and even more.  Clearly she had also been thinking about their previous experience and had also developed some “pleasure stones” for her own arsenal but now she was totally spent, they both were.  The sound of her steady breath was like a soothing song to Adam as he gently traced the outline of her glistening breasts and undulating stomach with his index finger while she slept. I must be the luckiest man in the world, he thought as he gazed upon the beauty of his sleeping treasure. 

When the ridiculousness of that thought finally dawned, he could not help but laugh at himself, for as far as he knew, he was the only man in the world, in the garden at least.  It’s true the old man was there sometimes, but Adam began to wonder if he was indeed an old man, or even a man at all.  He had begun to suspect something was different about him when they went on their excursion to the center of the garden to see the special trees.  Before that he had always encouraged Adam to experience everything in the garden by touching or tasting or observing, but these trees he reserved for himself even to the point of telling Adam not to even touch them.  What was so special about these trees that neither he nor Eve should touch them or eat from them?  The old man said he had planted the garden so they would have a safe place with plenty to eat, so why plant trees that bear poisonous fruit in a place like this?  Why were they so special that their seeds could not be planted anywhere else?  It was all very strange, but he knew that tomorrow he must take Eve there and explain to her that they could not eat the fruit because he certainly did not want anything to happen to her.

The shadows were starting to lengthen when Adam awoke.  In his waking haze he reached for Eve but his groping hand did not find her, only her empty bed.  Instantly he was fully awake and on his feet, searching in a wide circle with his eyes.  He saw her by the lake, kneeling on a stone looking into the calm water.  As he approached he thought that how even from this angle, especially from this angle, her perfect form could stir his passion.  Although he had just awoken from rest after an especially gratifying dalliance with her, he knew his desire was already rekindling.  Perhaps a refreshing dip in the lake might also rejuvenate his body.  Whether she sensed his presence behind her or merely heard the sounds of his clumsy approach, she stood quickly turning toward him.  He was paralyzed, unable to take another step, unable to utter a sound even though his mouth hung agape, barely able to breathe.  The sight of her, the beauty of her stupefied him and held him in place as though he had been planted.  As she approached him he could see that she had gathered many blossoms from the magnolia tree and plaited them into her hair framing her delicate features in their soft petals.  Others she had woven together with long strands of grass to form a fragrant boa that draped gracefully from her neck down the length of her to her ankles partially covering her sensuous breasts, enhancing the allure of them.  She had fashioned a triangular loincloth of blossoms that was slung low from her waist on a braided belt of grass that precisely covered her womanhood and set Adam’s imagination racing.  As she sauntered toward him, partially covered as she was, she could see that the effect she desired was indeed transpiring.  Transfixed though he was, there was a part of him that showed some motion.  His penis began to swell and though he was conscious of it doing so, there was nothing he could do to stop it from trying to rise.  She was smiling triumphantly at his predicament as she came near enough to reach out and grasp the partially lifted organ with one hand while putting the other behind his back to pull him close to her.  She kissed his lips hungrily, then his chin, then his chest as she worked her way inch by inch down his tightened abs to his now fully erect manhood.  She continued stroking gently as her mouth closed over the bulbous head.  The warmth of her mouth and the caressing of her tongue soon relieved him of the relentless pressure that had been building.   He was swaying and jerking helplessly as though his very life was being drained from him.  He kneaded the back of her head gently with his fingers and couldn’t help releasing some moans of pleasure as his appetite was completely sated.  She stood and still holding his now flaccid organ with one hand and encouraging him forward with the other around his waist, gently urged him into the soothing water of the lake.

The ends of the boa floated up and encircled them with the fragrance of magnolia as she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled her upper torso close to him.  He was glad that the water helped support her weight as he leaned back slightly to balance their collective weight on his wobbly legs.  Finding the perfect balance allowed him to relax slightly as though sitting in an easy chair.  The cool water engulfed him in total relaxation where time and space cease to exist.  He did not realize that his mind had been set adrift like the strands of the boa until her stirring to loosen the string from her waist and pull the flowered garment from between them nudged him back to the present.  He could tell that the time of the teaching was approaching and that they must go to prepare to meet the old man.  He recalled how he had looked forward to it at one time, the opportunity to ask questions and to share some of the new marvels he had observed.  He liked the old man immensely and thoroughly enjoyed the fellowship of their conversation.  Now that the woman was here he was not so sure how he felt.  He knew that he regretted having to curtail his time alone with her to attend the teaching.  Having the opportunity to focus his attention upon her and to be the sole object of her attention was his preference, and even though he had spent the greater part of the day with her, a perfect day, he mused, he would have chosen to continue instead of going to the teaching, if he had had a choice.  He felt like he did not have a choice.

He felt an obligation to the old man which he did not quite understand.  He sensed that the old man had provided everything for him and yet exactly how that occurred remained incomprehensible.  It was such a vast puzzle that he had trouble even formulating the questions whose answers may help him begin to penetrate the fog.  Such a large thought quickly exhausted his powers of reasoning by surpassing anything that his limited experience might grasp to develop a clearer understanding of his environment.  He became frustrated and knew that he must turn away from this unsolvable puzzle and wait for the epiphany that might unlock the secrets, perhaps at the teaching.  For now though, he could avoid the maddening questions by turning his thoughts toward Eve and their time together.  The way she looked covered in flowers, yes, that was a thought that he could dwell on for hours.  Or the incredible gift that made him feel as strong as the wild stallion and so weak he could barely walk to the water at the same time.  Now there was a thought he could dwell on forever.  But forever was cut short by the sound of the old man’s approach.

To Be Continued...